Good, not Tame

Sorry for the blog desertion. Not that anyone notices! But to be honest, I haven't really known what to write. I'm kind of in a weird place right now, and have been begging God to help me out of this place for more than several months.

We watched Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe for the first time last night and I loved every minute of it. Jacob and I read the books together a few years ago but hadn't seen the movie yet.  My favorite line is coming back to me still:  Mr Tumnus says as Aslan walks away at the very end, "After all, He's not a tame Lion."  And Lucy says in response, "No.  But He is good." 

I was also struck with the names Aslan chose for the kids at the end... especially with "Edmund, the Just."  Amazing that "just" is what Aslan calls the traitor.  Makes me wonder what He'd pick for me.

I've been in a strange spiritual funk for several months, but I can't really put my finger on what my trouble is. I try to put it in to words, but it never really makes sense.  I think watching the movie and actually longing to sit and watch it again it has all made me realize that I'm missing the heart of God.  Whether it's my circumstances that have me discouraged (I really don't think that's it), minor depression (my sister in law's idea I hadn't thought of, but it seems to make sense), or other things, I don't know.  I miss Him though, even though I'm seeking Him.  It's like these things I'm hearing - good things - are going in and being pondered, but falling flat.  I don't know.  I totally don't get it.  Anyway, as odd as it sounds, I'm longing to hang on to His goodness even though I know it's right in front of me.

I think in seeing His wrath in the Old Testament, I'm also realizing as much as much as He was against those who didn't acknowledge Him, how much He is for me now.  He will fight for me as much as He fought for His people three or four thousand years ago.  All He asks of me is to choose Him.  I think I'm growing a stronger heart for those who don't have Him on their side, and in doing that having a hard time trusting His heart, because it's hard to imagine why He does some of the things He does.  But as I learn about Him, it's not about fitting Him into my box.  It's not my job to tame Him.  It's my job to believe He is good.

Our Sweet Encounter

I was stressing today about a doctor's appointment today b/c I had to take my kids. This office is known for having typically loooong wait times, and my kids aren't known for being the quietest and calmest in public - or anywhere else for that matter! Anyway, armed with Lego magazines and mp3 players, we arrived and sat down. An older (75 year old or so) man starts playing his harmonica and looking at my kids. Jacob says, "Mom, that older man is looking at me funny."  The man finally just spoke up and started asking them what he should play next, and for the next 25 minutes, they played name that tune and he took requests in the waiting room! Mattie just can't help but dance, so she was quickly up cuttin' a rug to his tunes.  He asked her to marry him. :) So as frustrated as I get with their complete lack of inhibition, and therefore noise and activity level in public, today I was very thankful as it manifested itself in friendliness to this lonely old man.  I think all four of us walked away blessed today, as were several others in the room.

Quite frankly, I desperately needed this. I have been feeling like I'm stuck in the middle of a spiritual desert in a way I've never experienced before. I'm feeling like a fraud as I sing praise songs in front of my church and as I read the Jesse Tree devotions with my kids and teach Sunday School. I have confessed it all to God, begged Him to change my heart, help me see more of Him, help me reconcile the Old Testament Him with the New Testament Him, etc. This morning I asked Him just to fill my heart with love for Him. And immediately after this encounter I caught myself thinking, "Thank you, Jesus, for that sweetness." I like thinking that way! It just seems to have eluded me as I'm hung up on some OT things.  I'm very thankful for that small oasis in the midst of my recent emptiness.

Fall School

We've had fun this year so far!  I've found a good groove for schooling both kids at the same time and having a two year old two days a week.  Mattie and I have not gotten into a good Five in a Row routine, and that makes me sad, but I hope I can figure it out soon.  Mostly it's a lack of planning on my part.  

Here are a few things the kids have done...

 

 Jacob made a poster advertising for a trip to the New World.

We read about sheep and Mattie made this one with real sheep wool!

  

We have loved our Apologia Astronomy!  (These are all ideas we used out of the book.)  We get together every other week with two other families to do the experiments/activities.

 We poured lava on a dusty surface to see how it shaped the surface of Venus.

 

 Jacob made a comic about life on Venus and shared it with his friends.  Something about having 25 kids, 10 of whom who drowned in the lava and the others complaining that they wanted to go back to Earth so they could have some snow and celebrate Christmas.  Boys are weird!

We learned how radar worked.  We stuck this stick down through the paper and charted the depth to which it sank.  The kids colored in their charts and we revealed the surface below!

 

 

   The picture revealed!

    

 We separated the colors in a black marker.

 

 We learned about the suns rays by melting chocolate with a magnifying glass.  (Of course we burned up leaves too, but the chocolate part was much more fun.)

  

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 We've painted our fall trees with arms (trunks) and fingerprints (leaves)!  This was a pinterest idea.  :)

 

 We went to the apple orchard, and here's my animal loving girl enjoying the goats.

And I don't have a photo of this, but I've discovered Mattie is a total Math head.  Math pages are her reward for getting her phonics pages completed!  She loves to do Math.  By Christmas she'll be finished with her kindergarten Math book and we'll be doing the first grade one after the first of the year.  The best part of this is that she'll be ready for Teaching Textbooks sooner.  :)  I'll still have to add the Critical Thinking book for thinking out of the box a bit... those pages are her favorites!

Wanna hear about my day?

So two posts in one day!  Sitting on the couch will do that to me, I guess.  I guess before I share about my today I should explain why I'm in a boot for anyone who doesn't know: This summer at Joni and Friend's camp someone rolled up onto my foot with their power wheelchair and stayed there for about a minute while I explained to her that she was on it and waited for her to switch modes and scootch it back off.  Yes... Ouch.  Fast forward to 17 weeks later, a neuroma, nerve damage, other soft tissue damage and a stress fracture, I'm in a walking cast like this for at least a month to see if we can make some progress, because there has been little in the weeks since the injury.  Unfortunately, crush injuries are known to be difficult because it's often hard to pinpoint the real details of the injury.  So I wait.



And on the first day I got the boot I had to run some errands.  On the way out the door Jacob gives me a hug, point to the boot and says, "You're going out in public in that thing?"  As if I chose this... and didn't have a matching one.


So today, we had Women's Bible Study at church, piano lessons, then I had to go by the doctor and get a new boot. It was is supposed to be inflatable but wasn't working, so it was like wearing a shoe two sizes too big. It was terrible! I could tell in the first 3 seconds the other one was so much better! So I arrived home to a lot of dog puke and a nasty dog who had walked in said puke while she was in her gated spot while we were gone all morning. Yeah. Ew. I cleaned the floor and bathed the dog (while wearing the boot - a feat in and of itself). And just for the record, dog eye boogers are NASTY and take way too much work to get off in the bathtub!  Ahem... Then stood up holding the wet, towel-wrapped dog, popped something really loud in my knee (not the same leg as is in the boot) and I can hardly stand up. What else in the world is going to happen...?! It was actually very comical as I sat down (because I felt like my knee just wouldn't carry me) now both legs compromised, b/c the boot is a rocker boot (think round bottom) so it's terrible for balance. But it's 6 hours later now and hurts now a lot more than it did then, so it's not so funny anymore, except what else can it really be but funny?  Besides, I don't have the energy for it to be sad. 

I have learned I am a terrible sitter! I just keep wanting to get up and pick up, do the dishes, put the dog out, tuck the kids in, but I just physically can't, especially if it involves stairs. 

So as much as I'm still laughing about the calamity of the afternoon, I sit here with ice on my knee, taking another dose of my anti-inflammatory and googling to find information that will prove my nurse-sister wrong and convince myself that this really isn't anything serious.  :)  Except it's not feeling not so serious as the hours go on.  I really hope I can sleep well and wake up feeling better, in one limb anyway!


So how was your day??

Home Projects

(So sorry for the accidental post the other day.  It was supposed to contain words!)

Mattie's room has been in desperate need of a closet makeover since we moved in.  The shelves were unreachable to her and the hanging area took up all of the floor space.

I finally found the setup I wanted at Home Depot recently so we got her all squared away a few weeks ago! The containers were ones we already had, so all we had to buy was the closet setup and 

this shelf.  Her old shelf didn't have solid sides so the books and baskets were constantly falling off in all directions.  This one is easy because the sections are small and therefore manageable.  The coat rack was a gift from a friend of hers and has been needing to be hung up for an embarrassing amount of time.  This is all soooooo much better for her!  I can't say her room has been a whole lot cleaner on her own, but I think that may be a pipe dream for this child of mine.  She just likes little stuff, much of it of seemingly little importance.

And in the living room...

I finished the gallery wall!  I am loving seeing some of my very favorite pictures there.  (Hidden behind the couch is where the kids each have a school spot.)

I had a coupon from a decal store and ordered this quote.  This is my first quote to put up on the wall, and it has brought this positive outlook to my mind many times when I've needed it!  I'm not surprised really, because I'm a very visual person.  I love it, especially right next to the cross.