Ten!

 

My miracle is TEN years old today! 

This boy made me a mama all those years ago.  I longed for him, and he filled my empty arms.  Little did I know, he'd be the only miracle to grace my womb.

When we got to bring him home after eight long days in the NICU, I wanted to keep him all to myself.  I didn't want to share!  We had worked hard and waited 2 1/2 years for him.  Adding those eight additional days was not easy for this hormonal mama!

Jacob has always been very serious and a heavy thinker.  His wheels started spinning the day he was born, and I don't believed they've ever rested!  As soon as he could crawl, he spent more time at his book basket than any other toys.  He went through a stage with a strong bent toward all things Thomas, but his love for books remains.  I often find him out in the sunshine reading a book.  That love for books has translated into a talent for writing as well, though he wouldn't say yet that he loves it.  When he's not reading a joke book, mystery, or humorous novel, he's building with Legos.  Like most ten year old boys, he would be playing wii at any given time of the day if we'd let him!  He survives with the limited time he's allowed.

Jacob loves to laugh!  He loves to tell jokes, loves to watch silliness on tv or on youtube, and loves to add humor to his school assignments.  The sweetest thing I watch him do with his humor is pull out all the silly stops to make Mattie laugh when she's upset.  He has a tender heart toward others who are hurting and is quick to do what he can to help them.

It has not escaped me recently that this boy who challenges me has completed over half of his growing up years already.  How is that possible?  

He wants to be like his daddy and needs him more than he needs me now.  He is trustworthy when it matters.  He has a sensitive heart that helps keep him on the right road.  He already has a strong worldview that is rooted in Truth.

I pray that these feet will walk roads that change lives and point people toward the God who created them.
Thank you, Jesus, for these little boy feet you gave me ten years ago!  Thank you for all the challenges, joys, and tears you've given me with him.  Thank you that I've had to allow You to mold me to be a better mama.  This boy has pushed me toward You as I've desired to do my best for him.  

Thank you for giving us this one miracle!  He is one in a million!

She's growing up!

How can you not smile back at that proud grin?  She has worried this tooth all. week!
When I tucked her in, she put her tooth under her pillow and asked me to give her more than two dollars this time!  I guess I'm a cheap tooth fairy.

Mattie's Art

We are alive, but more on that another day.  I have 4 months of pictures to share!

Today we talked about illustrating the effects of wind in a picture. I told the kids to draw an outdoor scene including stuff that was being blown by the wind. Look very carefully at the bottom of the picture.  You may have to click on it to see it full size.

I guess Mattie's wasn't up for drawing much!

Good, not Tame

Sorry for the blog desertion. Not that anyone notices! But to be honest, I haven't really known what to write. I'm kind of in a weird place right now, and have been begging God to help me out of this place for more than several months.

We watched Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe for the first time last night and I loved every minute of it. Jacob and I read the books together a few years ago but hadn't seen the movie yet.  My favorite line is coming back to me still:  Mr Tumnus says as Aslan walks away at the very end, "After all, He's not a tame Lion."  And Lucy says in response, "No.  But He is good." 

I was also struck with the names Aslan chose for the kids at the end... especially with "Edmund, the Just."  Amazing that "just" is what Aslan calls the traitor.  Makes me wonder what He'd pick for me.

I've been in a strange spiritual funk for several months, but I can't really put my finger on what my trouble is. I try to put it in to words, but it never really makes sense.  I think watching the movie and actually longing to sit and watch it again it has all made me realize that I'm missing the heart of God.  Whether it's my circumstances that have me discouraged (I really don't think that's it), minor depression (my sister in law's idea I hadn't thought of, but it seems to make sense), or other things, I don't know.  I miss Him though, even though I'm seeking Him.  It's like these things I'm hearing - good things - are going in and being pondered, but falling flat.  I don't know.  I totally don't get it.  Anyway, as odd as it sounds, I'm longing to hang on to His goodness even though I know it's right in front of me.

I think in seeing His wrath in the Old Testament, I'm also realizing as much as much as He was against those who didn't acknowledge Him, how much He is for me now.  He will fight for me as much as He fought for His people three or four thousand years ago.  All He asks of me is to choose Him.  I think I'm growing a stronger heart for those who don't have Him on their side, and in doing that having a hard time trusting His heart, because it's hard to imagine why He does some of the things He does.  But as I learn about Him, it's not about fitting Him into my box.  It's not my job to tame Him.  It's my job to believe He is good.

Our Sweet Encounter

I was stressing today about a doctor's appointment today b/c I had to take my kids. This office is known for having typically loooong wait times, and my kids aren't known for being the quietest and calmest in public - or anywhere else for that matter! Anyway, armed with Lego magazines and mp3 players, we arrived and sat down. An older (75 year old or so) man starts playing his harmonica and looking at my kids. Jacob says, "Mom, that older man is looking at me funny."  The man finally just spoke up and started asking them what he should play next, and for the next 25 minutes, they played name that tune and he took requests in the waiting room! Mattie just can't help but dance, so she was quickly up cuttin' a rug to his tunes.  He asked her to marry him. :) So as frustrated as I get with their complete lack of inhibition, and therefore noise and activity level in public, today I was very thankful as it manifested itself in friendliness to this lonely old man.  I think all four of us walked away blessed today, as were several others in the room.

Quite frankly, I desperately needed this. I have been feeling like I'm stuck in the middle of a spiritual desert in a way I've never experienced before. I'm feeling like a fraud as I sing praise songs in front of my church and as I read the Jesse Tree devotions with my kids and teach Sunday School. I have confessed it all to God, begged Him to change my heart, help me see more of Him, help me reconcile the Old Testament Him with the New Testament Him, etc. This morning I asked Him just to fill my heart with love for Him. And immediately after this encounter I caught myself thinking, "Thank you, Jesus, for that sweetness." I like thinking that way! It just seems to have eluded me as I'm hung up on some OT things.  I'm very thankful for that small oasis in the midst of my recent emptiness.