Gramma Lil

I found another writing I thought I'd share... Just for a bit of background info: My mom's mother was Helga. After she died, Grampa married her little sister, Lil. They had been great friends and wanted to care for each other. They got married at our family reunion when I was 12 and she was quickly Gramma Lil to all of us.

This is what I shared at Gramma Lil's funeral. It's interesting to read now after some of the things I've written about just recently, before I found this.

My mom and Gramma Lil

I have struggled this week as I've been unsuccessfully explaining to my co-workers what a wonderful woman Gramma Lil was. I have also struggled with the task of putting it down on paper. I have struggled because it is difficult to express with words. Her spirit was unique and not something that can be explained. I was priveleged enough to experience it.

As I think over the years I've been blessed to spend with her, I remember so many times. I remember escorting her to Wisconson in the Spring of '98 to visit Kathy [her daughter who had special needs and lived in an assisted living center out there]. I remember her requesting my help in organizing her pantry when I was visiting the summer I was 15. I remember the butterfly bathtub grippie stickers she put on her screen door so she wouldn't walk into it! And I remember her bridal shower when she married Grampa. I remember introducing her to Robert last year. After they met, He left the room and she quickly said, "He's cute!" (She caught me off guard with that one!!) I remember doing her hair and trying to teach her how to use her new curling iron... we finally gave up. I remember surprising her for her birthday and meeting long-time friends of hers who remembered praying for me more than 20 years earlier after I had been run over by a car! And I remember her commitment to pray for Robert and I on our trip to Russia, then telling her about the trip only six days ago. I also remember bawling my eyes out the morning I was getting married because she couldn't come to our wedding!!

I could go on and on with stories that make our hearts smile, but the time I remember most is the few weeks in the winter of '94 when we were in Princeton together. I had decided to spend my Christmas vacation there with Gramma Lil and Grampa in order to help Lil take care of him. That was when I realized what a treasure she was... She not only bathed, fed, dressed, lifted, pushed, chauffeured and prayed for him. She cared for him. She loved him, no matter what he gave back.

After Grampa died, I went through a period of questioning God's plan. I didn't understand why He would choose her to suffer through the loss of two husbands dying of cancer. I didn't think it was fair, because she was such a treasure. She had such a great attitude. I never heard her speak ill of another or utter a cross word at anyone. Even when she was scolding she sounded nice! She always had something positive to say. Surely God wasn't trying to teach her anything. After all, she was such a good woman. She didn't need that stretching, or so I thought.

After several months of this spiritually immature thinking and prayer for wisdom, God gave me a small understanding of His will for His people.

God doesn't exempt us from suffering because we are kind or gentle or precious. God uses that suffering to make us more kind, more gentle, more precious, and ultimately, more like Him.

Each time I have read through the book of Ruth, I have thought of Gramma Lil and her faithfulness to people. She gave so much energy and love to Grampa after Gramma [Helga] died and so much more when he was sick years later. She adopted us all as her own grandchildren and shared her heart with us. She loved us and opened her heart to us because God has given her a heart for Him. It is through her suffering that God has developed that heart. And I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be blessed by a relationship with her. I only wish I had discovered that treasure earlier.

As I strive to be a Godly woman with a gentle spirit, and realize how very far I have to go, I often think of Gramma Lil. She was not perfect I understand, but I feel strongly that she is most accurately described by these verses which are often the focus of my prayer for Godliness:

1 Peter 3:3,4 "Your adornment must not be merely external: braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

Written August 2000, I think! She was a treasure, and I feel very fortunate to have known her. Many of us miss out on the treasure of a wonderful grandparent, and I was fortunate enough to have several.

The Wood Shop

Rushmore Bradley Barnes

My Grandpa (my Mom's dad) had a work shop in his basement. He was a remarkably skilled carpenter by trade, but created many things as a hobby as well.

He was a gruff man, but lovable in his own way. And I got along well with him, so I think I missed most of the personality problems! He had prostate cancer while I was in my freshman year in college. He was having complications from the cancer, and spent some time at a clinic specializing in lymphodema in December and January of that time. Because they were away from home, my Gramma needed some help lifting the wheelchair in and out of the car and driving and things. I was privileged to be able to spend two of my weeks of Christmas vacation with them that year. That is time I'll never regret. I felt pretty strongly when I drove away at the end of that time that it was our last good bye. He died less than a week later.

When I was up there for Christmas that year, I went down to his wood shop and wrote this. He never got back down there.

The Wood Shop

The Wood Shop The lights still turn on, the radio still sings,
the clock still ticks, the phone still rings.
The saw still severs, the machines still hum,
the hammer still nails, the drill presses on.

His handwriting is here, his smell is too.
His spirit is here in his handcrafted "I Love You."
His ruggedness is here, it's seen loud and clear,
his masked gentleness whispers right here in my ear.

He left himself here in his ticking clock,
the pictures, the tools - the list never stops -
the flag in the corner, his tool belt on the hook.
He seemed to reauthor the construction book.

The nails are unused, the hat is still hung,
the table is dusty, but his song is still sung.
It's a song of skill, of simple perfection,
the evidence is here, it need not be questioned.

The spark in his eyes, the strength in his touch,
the way he said "Be good for me." It meant so much.
I wish he still said it, but I'll have to remember,
because the wood shop was closed when he left in December.

by Melissa (Magee) Crabtree
December 1993

Just a note, I'm not putting this here because it's publishable writing! I was a young 18. But I knew my family would enjoy reading it and remembering.

Some old things I found

In my major reorganization and de-cluttering of the weekend, I found a bunch of books that had gotten wet! I had them in our cubby built into the bricks that's made to hold wood for the fireplace. I never thought it would get wet! Somehow it did, and we had a bunch of things get ruined. Thankfully, they were the things I already had in my mind to pitch anyway. There was a stack of Jacob's school papers that had to be trashed, but thankfully I'd already scanned in the most creative or notable things to save. And from now on it will only hold toys in plastic containers!

One of the things I came across was an old 3 ring binder I've had since college. In it I had kept poems, reports, papers, or other inspirational things I wanted to hang on to... they're all printed on paper ya' know, so you have to save the copy of it instead of just putting it on my hard drive! Anyway, the section in the back was of things I'd written and saved. I'd like to type them into my computer, so I thought I'd share a few of them here. So beware, Mom... a couple of tearjerkers ahead.

It was interesting to go back and read these things. Pretty therapeutic, actually! While I have no trouble getting my thoughts out verbally (no snickering), I do not share my soul in conversation. I am one who likes to keep the treasure of my soul locked up and protected. And I suppose I feel like if bear it through the written word I won't be hurt by one's reaction, so it's safer. And maybe in some weird way I can pretend I never bore it.

So keep your eye out for a small portion of my soul.

I think I need a therapist.

Jacob's Love Language

I have asked the Lord for wisdom with my kids. One of the specific things I've asked for is to know what really makes Jacob "tick." What motivates him and what he loves. He is so much like me, this shouldn't have been difficult! Next time I should just ask myself.

For the past month or 6 weeks we have been writing notes to each other, Jacob, Robert, and I. Jacob wrote and I Love U. note and put it in the kitchen window by the sink. Then I wrote one and put it on his bed railing where he'd see it first thing in the mornings. We've gone on like this and part of the game is the surprise of it, it seems. And any game is good for us too, as I'm not a very fun mama by nature! It has been a sweet time for us and seems to be building him up, which is always good for a perfectionist who feels like he's a constant failure (despite my efforts at positive affirmation). That's actually the reason I began praying specifically for wisdom here. So "written affirmation" is something I need to remember for him! That is totally it for me too. There's something different about it somehow.

Anyway, the other day he made these cards for Robert and I and put them on our pillows.

This was the front of both of them.

This is always good to know!

One of the things I'm always wondering with Jacob is if we're covering what we should be. Jane Claire Lambert, when she wrote Five in a Row, used an elementary scope and sequence to develop the lessons in order to be sure that she covered what needed to be covered. But, by way of design, we could choose to not cover important stuff! Some weeks there are 5 science lessons offered in the manual, some weeks there are none. And I just choose to do whatever lessons I want to do that week. Sometimes I choose none, sometimes we do all of them.

The other day I was at a friend's house all day. Their family home schools but they use a DVD/textbook approach (one used in many Christian schools) which is basically the opposite of how we school, using unit studies. I certainly have no issue with how they school, it's just not how we do it. (I won't say I haven't thought of it! I think it would be easier on my part because it would eliminate all of my planning which is very attractive!)

Well, while I was there we were talking about our curricula, and I glanced over the table of contents of this second grade curriculum. And then when I came home I glanced at the kindergarten and first grade ones as well. And I was very pleased to find out that Jacob has a very good grasp of every single concept they present in that curriculum!!! (And many more concepts, actually.) :) Which just tells me that I'm doing something right. And I must be choosing enough of the right things to study.

We're not using textbooks (except for Math), and we may not have much proof of what we do because much of our learning is conversational, but I know he's learning. And it was just good to know that he could go into any typical 2nd grade classroom and hold his own... well, academically speaking. Sitting quietly is an entirely different story!

We love Five in a Row!