April 30, 2009

Getting rid of things is hard...

So we're moving... in 3 weeks. That means going through, pitching, passing on, etc. All good things! I'm not a packrat by nature, but there is one set of things is so hard for me to let go of! My baby things.

I have a major longing for more children. But it's been 9 years with one conception... we had no idea what a miracle Jacob was at the time! (Mattie is adopted for hose of you who don't know that.) Anyway, I'm still hanging on to baby things because I hope there will be a day where we can use them again whether through foster or adoption or physical healing, but I'm wondering if that's just plan foolish. This is definitely an emotional thing for me.

I'm hanging on to the crib (saving this), changing table, bouncy seat, tub, tub seat, burp rags (I made all of mine), blankets, too small clothes (nephews/nieces are or will be using these in the meantime), maternity clothes, baby toys, crib bumpers and stuff. I guess also toys that my kids don't love but others might. I'm wondering if I should get rid of the things I don't have an emotional connection to like the bathtub, and save the things I loved (love hearing those same little songs on the bouncy seat). It's just hard to let it go, I think. I think in my mind, giving it all away is resigning myself that it's not going to happen and that makes me sad.

Just thought I'd share what's on my mind today.


Anonymous said...

Oh, Liss! I so want to be at your house today with you! I wonder (gently) if giving up many of those baby things is an act of a surrendered spirit to the Lord; a kind of BIG step to tell Him, "Ok, You have given me these two blessings for this time; I'm going to walk in that."

I don't think it's bad to hang on to the sentimental stuff...I still have our crib and dresser, high chair, baby sneakers, and bibs that I loved. But I remember several years ago at a yard sale when I sold "the rest" and it was HARD. The bassinet, the sweetest girl crib stuff you ever saw, the toys... in fact, I couldn't let go of it all, and Doug just last month pried the stroller out of my hands for the trash!

I know your letting go has big implications...painful ones. I'm going to pray specifically today and the coming days that you can sense His carrying you and that you can trust Him with the future.

All my love, Jeni
PS Maybe seeing some of those things at Matt and Cherilyn's would help? :-)Doug could bring it home in a couple of weeks...

Alicia said...

We just got rid of a bunch of our baby items as well. I was in the house with the kids when Darrin sold it all in a yard sale. I think it would have definitely been hard for me if I had watched it all go. I have been open to more kids, although I am content with the two God has given us. Darrin is very much finished, so this process has been easier for him. Getting rid of these things seems to have a finality to it, although they can be replaced if the Lord chooses to bless us with another child, just at a higher cost.
I would at least keep a few sentimental things. Big HUGS!!! I'll be praying for you.

Matt said...

(When I first read your post I wasn't sure whether to actually reply here or in an e-mail...but others are so I'll follow suit.)

I love you Liss and I'm so sorry for you because you're an absolutely amazing mom...I'm not even lying (okay...youth min phrase).

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know but it's so hard to know what to ask God for you...I mean in one sense it's super easy, but it's all over the spectrum. But, "Thy will be done" doesn't feel like it cuts it even though it's really your (and our) heart.

I do pray, though, that God is blessing you with someone who has experienced this and can comfort you in a way that no one else can. And I know you know all the theology...and it's just plain hard to say the least.

I do anticipate one thing at least: that with honesty, growing vulnerability, godly discernment and writing/communication ability that you've very obviously been gifted with may come together for a wonderful, Jesus-exalting ministry. Whether to one or two people, or more. And I don't mean this in a trite, "not sure what else to say" kind of way. I know our Father and I know you...so I'm praying toward those opportunities...and even still "Heavenly Father, please bless my little sister with another precious one."

I'll try to pray it all! I don't experientially know your pain, but I am certainly grieving with and for you. And anticipating the magnificent plan of our Father who loves you more than any of us can wrap our minds around!