It just occurred to me that when Robert is bothered by the kids, I feel like it's my fault.
I realized that I feel like it's my fault they're not quiet enough, or obedient enough, or considerate enough, or sleeping well enough, or responsive enough, or _________, or _________ that somehow I should have been able to intervene before everyone got frustrated with each other. Or I haven't worked hard enough at training them. When I'm the frustrated one, I guess I'm too busy being frustrated to feel like a failure! Or I feel like a failure as a mother, because I know better than to act out of frustration in the first place.
When the kids frustrate Robert, however, I feel like a failure as his wife (because one of my jobs as his wife is to raise our children) and that goes much deeper.
In Robert's defense, he doesn't complain about how I mother our children. And I'm not posting this because I want anyone to tell me I'm not a failure. It was just an interesting revelation I had a few minutes ago. And quite a messed up one, I know!