February 14, 2010

So Long Insecurity Week 1

Back to the online group therapy...

As you can see from my sidebar, I'm reading So Long Insecurity.  I'm also participating in the online study, meaning Beth Moore will offer some questions and discussion to help us get more out of the book.  Then on April 24, I'll be attending her simulcast of the same name.  Let me tell you, between this book and Breaking Free, I'm going to be a new woman by May!!  Look out, Robert!!

I thought I'd post my answers here for several reasons.  It's an effort for transparency and to encourage others to read the book, assuming you aren't 100% secure.  :)  Plus it's so good for me to have to write something down.  Knowing that there are 6000 women doing the "online study," I'm likely to not ever post there.  But if I don't have to write out an answer, I'm likely to not think all the way through it.  And quite frankly, some of you may be the ones I'm least likely to share these things with in conversation, so openly writing them here helps me safely let some walls down.  So here you are.  

Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting. 
Just last night as I wore snowflake socks on our date.  All night long I kept trying to keep my pants down so they wouldn't show.  I felt like my happy socks belonged on a trip to WalMart, not at Olive Garden.

This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

Hold on.  Have to go get the book because I underlined a lot!  Here's my paraphrase and input on what stuck out to me:
~I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong... even when I haven't done something wrong!  It is very disconcerting to me to have someone upset at me, whether or not it's really my fault.
~It is very hard for me when I learn that someone doesn't like me.  (And I've tried the change-myself-to-be-more-likeable and it doesn't work.  Actually just caused more pain when they still didn't like me.  Going through that all rocked my world.)
~My best cover is perfectionism.  Typically I work very, very hard to do my best at things.  If I know right off the bat that my best isn't good enough, I'll step back and let someone else do it.
~I have a very hard time not obsessing about a situation if someone is angry at me.  I cannot stand to not have it made right.
~I am very sensitive to the climate of a relationship.  I am very quick to think I must have done something wrong if one is irritable or frustrated, even if I haven't been around to cause the problem.  I always assume it is my fault and apologize constantly.  I'm pretty sure I drive Robert crazy with this.  (Sadly, I see this in Jacob.  Lord help me break this cycle so I he doesn't grow up this way!)

So there you have it.  I'm eager to see what else calls my name as I read this book.  I'm struggling a bit with doing both Breaking Free and this book.  It's a lot to keep up with, especially because I always prefer to just sit and pray when I have time to be quiet.  I'm asking the Lord to make me notice what He wants me to see and trusting Him to do just that so I don't end up cutting short my prayer time to read a human written book.

1 comment:

Leslie said...

I love your heart friend. I love how you are open to learning and hearing from God. Praying that He would continue to meet you, challenge you and teach you as you seek Him.

I haven't done this study. I'm currently doing the Esther study. Rebecca is doing it with me too. :-)