March 09, 2010

I had a random thought last night

I have no idea where this came from, but I realized last night that I don't have very many conversations with my kids.  I mean conversations of any value.

When Robert comes home from work, he tells Jacob about his day.  (He tells me too, but not in a way nearly as animated as when he tells Jacob!  He makes a busted sewer pipe sound exciting and cool.)  He and Mattie talk about dancing and princesses and fun things like that.

What I realized last night is that (I guess) because I'm with the kids all the time (with the exception of less than 8 hours a week at various classes, church and Grandmama's house), our relationship is very mundane.  I'm clearly thinking about them all the time while I fix their food, do the laundry, do school, train behavior and hearts, clean bodies, reading books before bed, etc. but our time together is not very exciting.  Maybe we're just tired of each other!  I know Jacob and I tend to get on each others nerves rather than enjoy our time and laugh together.  We don't have this break where we get back together and are excited to see each other again.  (I know that sounds horrible for a mother to say!)

It makes me sad, because I know that I am not promised even this day, much less any more, with my kids.  But I want to have good, fun, relationship building days with the kids.  I want them to want to be around their mama.  I want them to have good memories of their childhood, and fun memories of their mommy, not just their daddy!

I asked the Lord last night to show me how I can change this.  And today I had an opportunity where I only had Jacob so I took him out to Taco Bell just the two of us.  We actually had a conversation about a topic other than food, a chore or school assignment.  It was nice!  We made some plans for his birthday and talked about other things.  He seemed to enjoy it.

I'd love to hear your ideas on this.  I know I'm not the first mom to feel this way.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

It's the simple things like "Taco Bell" that mean more than you realize. One of my older children recently recalled a "remember when time" when I took them out individually - a special time out for just the two of us. Sometimes a fancy place sometimes just a simple trip to the store together - yet it is the time to feel special that matters. One thing I've noticed means more than I thought it possibly did is notes. Writing notes to my children and putting them on their pillow - slipping it in their journal, etc. God is good and He is so gracious to us as His children to teach us how to parent. We cannot do any of it on our own, yet through Him we can build awesome memories/relationships. Whenever I am feeling a bit "needy" I try to take a look around - often that is when I see the needs of my children the clearest. God is good to teach us. Your children will grow up so quickly! Enjoy every moment. We cannot go back, but we can walk forward with great joy at what the Lord has for us. He gave us our children. He made us their mom - imagine that - I often stand dumbfounded that God would make me the mother of my children. Yet, He knows me and still made me the mother of my children. Many times the opportunities for conversation are lost because we aren't listening - I mean really listening. We are busy with the seeming plethora of things we "must" accomplish in our day. If we listen - not just to our children's words, but also to their unspoken words - we, by God's grace, see them more clearly and are blessed with abundant times of relationship building. Well, I suppose I have rambled. Suffice it to say that God is awesome and good to give you a desire to make things better with your children. Also, remember that as mothers, who are with our children most of the time, we sometimes feel that we don't have special times. Yet, the everyday things can be awesome memories for our children - even things we don't think will be remembered. You are a treasure to your children - because you are God's perfect plan for them!
Love you, Kristen