March 11, 2010

So Long Insecurity Week 4

Chapters 7 & 8 already!  I'm catching up on posting because Beth has already posted week 5 questions!  Between reading So Long Insecurity and doing Breaking Free at church, I have to say I'm getting worn out!  But I have no excuse to not be a totally new person by May, so beware.  I am thankful that I've done this book along with the schedule of this online study.  It has required me to only read two chapters at a time and given me time to digest the changes the Lord is trying to make in me.  

1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
Some time this week I came to the realization that in my insecurity I have mistreated Robert, and I owe him an apology for that.  In wondering if I was good enough to come home to, fearing that he would be led astray, and feeling like I had to work to keep him happy, I was dehumanizing him as much as this book talks about the dehumanization of women.  In all of that insecurity I wasn't trusting him to be the honest, loyal, man of integrity that I married him for!  There are soooooooo many marriages being compromised around me (in very close circles) that I fell into the trap of being fearful that surely we were next.  And because Robert was out of town so much with work, it made it even worse.  But I have seen evidence already that the Lord is filling my mind with things of HIM thus leaving less and less space for the fear, lack of trust and insecurity.  What a blessing to relieve Robert of the responsibility of my feeling of security.  And how unfair of me to put that responsibility on him to begin with.

2. (If you're choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity. (We're not looking for right answers. We're looking for YOUR answers. Don't copy off your fellow sojourners' papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don't get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C. 

A) I think my answer here would have to be how much we allow ourselves to be robbed of the JOY of life by our insecurity.  I have fallen prey to this in two different ways: I either avoid activities because I don't want to be subjected to whatever situation causes me to feel insecure, or I participate in that activity feeling nothing short of tortured while I'm there.
B) It's physically and emotionally draining.
C) It's unfair to others to put the responsibility of my security on them (whether or not they know it).

3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
No!  I was recently in two situations that in times past would have left me feeling sick to my stomach.  While the decisions I made were not one of right vs. wrong, I knew I'd possibly displeased people by handling them the way I did, but I made decisions that were best for my children and me considering everything going on at the time.  It was freeing to act on the principle that I did not sin, and I don't have to worry about being understood by every single person with whom I come in contact.  While I'm not out to cause irritation, I can't be responsible for someone else's choice to agree or disagree with my decision.  I also can't let my decision making be motivated others' approval.  That's quite a breakthrough for this people pleaser!

"The cycle begins to break when even though we may still feel insecure, we make a very deliberate choice to not act on that feeling."  p. 149

4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you? 

Dignity is hard for me to define, I think.  I'd like to just look in a dictionary, but I don't think that what's she's looking for!  I think the best way for me to explain my perception of dignity is this:  
I'm worthy of respect.  
I'm worthy of love.  
I'm worthy of being fought for.  
I'm worthy of protection.  
I'm worthy of loyalty.  
I'm worthy of being heard.  
I'm worthy of being treated honorably.
I'm worthy of forgiveness.
I'm worthy of mercy.
I'm worthy of grace.
I'm worthy of understanding.

Only, ONLY! because I am His handiwork, and He has redeemed me.

On the other hand, so are you, and that means you are worthy of all of the above also.

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